The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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