I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
