I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Boobs speak an international language.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
