Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
