oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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