its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Who died my cat blue again?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
