Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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