Fuck appropriateness.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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