Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I love having hate sex.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
