she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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