we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
