she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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