Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
