I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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