I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
