Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
