The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
