Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
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She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
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Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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