OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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