yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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