I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
