its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
