I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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