Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
