I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
