mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
