Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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