And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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