meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
