like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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