hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Randomize
