Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
