I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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