those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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