so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
this just has baby written all over it
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
