nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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