Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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