Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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