Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
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she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
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He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
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