Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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