I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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