I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
