I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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