Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
