Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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