I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
