I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
