she smelled like a LAN party
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
