I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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