ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
