i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
