I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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