Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize