I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
