she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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