Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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