I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
