It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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