New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
