he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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