Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
