Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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