You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
They took my balls.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
