I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
