So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
