u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
ok first of all what the fuck
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