im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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