Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
