you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
