i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
