Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
