census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
