During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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