i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
