i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
