hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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