I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
