I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
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I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
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so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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