Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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