he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
